We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
