Screwed.edu
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
