oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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