I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
