Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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