Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
