Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
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I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
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WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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