I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
