maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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