You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
