You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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