THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
