how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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