your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
