After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
