you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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