I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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