the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
