I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize