me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
