'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
