Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
