I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Blood and glitter go together right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
