my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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