I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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