So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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