we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
