we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize