i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
