Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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