Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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