I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
