just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
