and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
