Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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