We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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