Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
