This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
