Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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