I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
