weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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