Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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