I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
