I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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