So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
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After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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