i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
