You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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