I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You made out with two different species that night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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