If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
