Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
