your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
