My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
