I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
