an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
