and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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There's always time for handjobs
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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