Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
