I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
