dude i'm inner monologue high
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
