I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
