i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
