If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
