Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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