Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's great music for shaving your balls
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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