I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
