i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
