Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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