Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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