Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
