So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's shark week go big or go home
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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