The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
