now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
